Five Years……..

What have you done over the past five years?

I have tried to raise two boys. I have gone grocery shopping. I have cooked dinners. I have attended weddings. I have moved into a new house. I have made friends. I have registered my son for kindergarten. I have spent a week at the beach. I have gone to the zoo. I have started a blog. I have fought with my husband and my friends. I have bought a new car. I have gained weight. I have lost weight. I have celebrated holidays. I have gone on Easter Egg hunts. I have cleaned rooms. I have moved forward.

They tell you that you will move forward. That your life will go on. Five years ago I never would have believed you. Five years ago my life changed forever. But you know what, life did go on. We did move forward. We did continue on with our lives. Never once forgetting. Never once taking life for granted. Never once not laughing or enjoying the funny things in life. We have laughed. We have cried. We have celebrated.

Five years ago today I lost my father to the most horrific and fastest moving forms of cancer. I never even knew stomach cancer existed until he was diagnosed with it. Four months later, he was gone. So little time.

Five years ago I witnessed someone moving on to another life. I witnessed death. I remember the phone call from my mom, telling us to get down to the house ASAP. I knew. I just knew it would be the last time.

But here we are five years later. We miss him every day but we have moved forward. We had too. We had to support each other. I had a husband, a child (now two), a sister and a mother. We had too. We could not stay stuck.

We miss him each and every day but I am thankful that we were able to move on together as a family. We are stronger than ever, never take each other for granted (okay sometimes we do), but we are still here. Strong. Looking forward. The memories are painful but we choose to remember the good ones. Never the bad ones. Just remembering the greatest father on earth. My father.

We love you and miss you more and more as each day passes by. I still can’t believe it’s been five years. You would be so proud of us dad! I hate that you don’t get to see my boys. I hate that you missed seeing Joe Flacco win the Superbowl. I hate that you have missed so much. But I know somewhere you are watching over us catching it all. I just wish I could talk to you about it….

Thanks for letting me talk about my dad again…….


  1. I just did a post about my Mom who died of cervical cancer. Thinking of you today – I know its not easy.

  2. Hi Erin – do you know you have no reply blogger? sorry to write to you here. Where you do you live in NJ, just wondering? email me

  3. He looks like a really fun guy. It seems crazy to think about going on without someone so important but we do. You’re boys are adorable. Great remembrance post!

  4. This is how I feel when I think of my grandfather. He didn’t die of cancer, but of a myriad of different things that was compounded by a fall that broke his hip. I was there when I passed away in the hospital and I too have thought of him everyday at some point for the last 14 years. We were so close and to be honest he was even closer to me than my own father. I hope that doesn’t sound awful, because I do love my dad, but he is my rough around the edges (old fashioned Italian man) and my grandfather was just my everything. So, in many ways I could relate to this post. What helps me is feeling that someway somehow he is still with us and watches over us. I am truly sorry for your loss Erin and sorry for the rant, but couldn’t help but share a bit here.

  5. My grandfather had passed away from stomach cancer and now my mom is fighting pancreatic cancer…it’s really hard so I know what you’re feeling. I’ve lost several relatives to cancer, and some at very young ages and much too quickly. My thoughts are with you today.

  6. I’m sorry for your loss. Losing someone is painful and it is so tempting to stay stuck. But you are honoring him most by living the life he gave you.

  7. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life, Erin. I loved seeing the photos of your family and your father. I cannot imagine facing such a loss. I hope that I too will handle life with the grace you have shown.

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