The Oldest is Still My Baby

Okay so I took some time this week to talk about Owen and Sean so today it’s Ben’s turn.  I have so much to share about Ben but not sure I want to put it all out there. We are having some behavioral issues at home and at some point I am sure that I will share a little more but it’s been a huge struggle and we are trying to figure it all out.  In the meantime let’s chat about how amazing this kid is.

He had his very first Kindergarten play this week.  I think that I was much more nervous than he was.  He is so much like me with the OCD and anxiety and I thought for sure that he would get up there, see the crowd and not do his line.  But boy the kid proved me wrong.  He looked so cute in his piggy hat. Speaking of the hat, the play was performed on three separate nights – they split up the 9 kindergarten classes into three nights {3 classes a night} but they shared the same hats.  I wonder why the school has had a problem with lice this year? HMMMM. But anyway.  Ben was AWESOME! His line was about half way through the show and he went up to the microphone said his line and walked back to his row.  Perfection!

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This kid is truly a smart and talented kid but he is still very shy and so afraid of what others think about him. He feels like he can never be good enough and as a mom that breaks my heart. I try so hard to teach him to just be himself {but stop picking your nose}.  He wants to fit in but he is afraid sometimes of getting involved. I was always a shy kid filled with anxiety and I see that in him.  I want to break that cycle now so he doesn’t grow up being afraid and full of anxiety like I still have today.  I try to push him to do new things so he can make new friends, try new things and just enjoy being a kid. He is coming along and I am so proud of him.  

He is excelling in school and I just got his latest report card. His teacher said that he is a wonderful reader and great at addition.  He struggles with handwriting and subtraction! But hey it’s kindergarten he is only going to get better from here. I can’t believe how well he is doing at school.  When I look at the work that he brings home I often wonder if he is bored.  He has perfect worksheets {except for the handwriting} but the back of the pages are full of drawings and designs.  Is he bored? Is there too much free time at school? Who knows but as long as he is happy and doing well, I am happy!!!

I still can’t believe that he has been in school for 4 years now {3 years in pre-school and he is now almost done kindergarten}. Here’s a quick look at Ben’s school pictures over the years.  I definitely have a favorite of all 5 pictures {red sweater}.  Which one do you like the best? I can’t believe how much he has changed, yet stayed the same over the past 4 years!

Preschool Pictures – 2 1/2 Year old class, 3 Year old class and 4 Year old class

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Fall 2013 & Spring 2014 Kindergarten Pictures.  I am not sure what they did to his glasses during the Fall picture but it’s horrible.  They could have at least taken them off or put them on his head properly! Thank goodness I have a great friend who is my own personal photographer {Photography by Jen Davis}. I can’t wait for our photo shoot in early May! I’ll have some more pics to share soon.

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Ben is not a sports person.  He really loves the iPad and all of the star wars, angry birds and lego games that he can find.  I think that he likes it a little too much in my opinion, but I let him use it because it makes him happy.  But if he doesn’t finish a game on the first try he gets extremely frustrated and down on himself.  I often hear him say “why did God make me so bad” or “why can’t I do this right”.  It breaks my heart but I explain to him to never give up and some things take time but they are worth all of the hard work. 

This past week we went to a birthday party at the YMCA.  It was a sports themed party {something that he doesn’t like}.  He had anxiety going in but I tried to help him relax and told him that he didn’t have to participate in the soccer game but he could play with some other toys on the side.  The first 45 minutes he didn’t leave my side but thankfully after a few bites of pizza and a lacrosse stick he started to play with his friends.  Then when they handed out basketballs as party favors he was finally in a good mood.  Now he LOVES basketball.  I want to encourage him to play but I am also afraid that once I sign him up he won’t want to do it. This is the hard part.  Do I spend the money and then take him to the class which he will hate and never want to go back or do I just say this is a phase and not sign him up.  I am at a loss.  Sean loves soccer but after 10 minutes he wants to play on the playground.  It’s so frustrating to spend a ton of money and then have them cry on the sidelines.

Ben is still enjoying karate but it has been a struggle to get there.  But once he is there he enjoys it. I don’t know if we will continue it after summer is over.  I want Ben to be involved in something.  I don’t care what it is as long as he is doing something other than the computer all day.  I’m open to suggestions???!!!!

He is an awesome big brother to Owen.  The boy loves his little brother so much — even if he tends to be a little too rough, I know deep down he is smitten with the kid.  And Owen just adores Ben {and Sean}.

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He still really struggles with Sean though.  He cares about him a lot but I know that Sean tends to bother him. Ben is awesome at figuring out video games and Sean struggles.  Ben just doesn’t want to show Sean the way.  He doesn’t understand that other kids may need help with those sorts of things {much like Ben needs help at sports}.  He just wants to be left alone to do his own thing.  But on occasion he will help his brother out.  He is also my little con artist.  Just the other day he convinced Sean to rub his head and he would help Sean beat a level on Star Wars.

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Oh and I really think that I am going to be in trouble with Ben when it comes to the ladies.  I swear each school year he has a new crush.  We all remember his crush from last year {A Shiny Gold Necklace}.  This year it’s a girl at his bus stop {who is also in his kindergarten class}.   She is such a cutie pie. He told me that everyone on the bus says that they are going to get married.  I think it’s cute, he on the other hand does not.  But he tries so hard to get her attention.  On her birthday he made her a special card.   Then the other day they made a brown letter E – brown E {brownie – get it}.  Well his crush lost hers so he spent the afternoon tracing and cutting out a new one for her – only to have her find her own the next day. I know that he was crushed but he still is such a sweetheart.  God this kid melts my heart every day.

This picture describes Ben to me.  He is in a world of his own and we are all just trying to figure it out.  He has a heart of gold but really struggles with a lot in life.  He is a deep thinker and is always asking the tough questions but the boy loves to have fun.

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I love this kid more than life itself.  He will always have a special place in my heart because he is the boy that made me a mom for the very first time.  He is the first person that ever projectile vomited on me or pooped down my leg.  He is the first person that I put before myself when it came to life and all it’s crazy issues.  He was the person that gave me a reason to keep moving forward after my father passed away 3 weeks after his birth.  He has given me health scares, anxiety and emotional breakdowns but I wouldn’t have it any other way…. Yes he may look 100% like my husband but he is definitely my son.  

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Summer is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!! Do you want to feel comfortable in your swimsuit? I know that I want to not hide under my towel when I’m sitting on the beach this summer and I am going to continue to keep moving!  How about you join me and we can hold each other accountable? I have a great team that I work with and you can too.   Plus there are some great deals right now on a few programs that can help you reach those goals!

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